Who Makes Your Child's Bed?

11 September is Make Your Own Bed Day.

It sounds like one of those slightly odd days that appears on the calendar and gives us something to smile about. However, at Orchard, it made us stop and think.

Who actually makes your child's bed?

And perhaps more importantly: why?

It's not really about the bed

We aren't particularly interested in perfectly tucked corners, matching cushions or whether the duvet is completely straight. We are interested in what happens when a child begins to take responsibility for something that belongs to them. Making a bed is a very small job.

You notice that it needs doing.You know what to do.You start without somebody doing it for you.You finish the job. Those are surprisingly important skills. They are also some of the skills children eventually need to manage their own learning.

Independence starts much earlier than we sometimes realise

In our younger Orchard learning, we begin with very ordinary things.

• Can you find your own pencil?

• Can you get your book?

• Can you put your crayons away when you have finished?

• Can you choose what you need rather than waiting for Mum or Dad to put everything on the table?

Nobody expects a five-year-old to manage their education independently. They need adults. They need help, encouragement, explanations and plenty of learning together. But they can begin to take responsibility for the little bits they can manage. As children grow, so does the responsibility. Finding your own pencil eventually becomes remembering what you need for the day. Putting your book away becomes looking after your equipment. Completing one little job becomes organising several things that need doing. Eventually the child who needed Mum to put the pencil on the table becomes the teenager who needs to organise themselves for college, an apprenticeship or work. That doesn't happen overnight.

Independence grows through hundreds of ordinary little opportunities to practise it.

Sometimes we need to look at what we do for our children

There is another question worth asking. Are there jobs our children are perfectly capable of doing that we continue doing simply because it is quicker? Most parents know this feeling:

• You could wait while a child struggles with their coat, or you could zip it up in two seconds.

• You could remind them to put their things away, or simply pick them up yourself.

• You could wait for them to make the bed rather badly, or straighten the duvet yourself and get on with the morning.

Sometimes, of course, we do need to help. Families are busy. Children get tired. Something is too difficult, too high to reach or simply not safe for them to do alone. Independence does not mean refusing to help, but occasionally it is worth asking: Could they actually do this themselves if I gave them the chance?

Are we teaching independence equally?

This question can become particularly interesting when we think about sons and daughters.

Families divide jobs in all sorts of ways, and there is nothing wrong with children having different responsibilities. One child might help in the kitchen. Another might help with tools, animals, gardening, younger siblings or a family business. However, every young person needs enough everyday knowledge to look after themselves.

A boy benefits from knowing how to make his bed, prepare some food, wash his clothes and keep his space reasonably clean.

A girl benefits from knowing how to use basic tools, check a tyre, solve practical problems and tackle jobs that might traditionally have been handed to somebody else.

It isn't about making everybody do exactly the same jobs. It is about making sure that nobody grows up helpless because an ordinary life skill was always considered somebody else's job.

"By myself" doesn't mean "without help"

This might be the most important part. We don't want children to learn: I must do everything by myself.

We want them to learn:

I can have a go. I can work out what I already know. And I can ask for help when I need it.

Knowing when you need help is part of becoming independent too.

So, who is making the bed tomorrow?

• Perhaps your child already does.

• Perhaps tomorrow will be their first attempt.

• Perhaps the duvet will be sideways, the pillows upside down and a favourite teddy accidentally trapped underneath it all. That's fine!

The perfectly made bed isn't the point. The little person standing beside it thinking,

"I did that myself." That's the bit that matters.

At Orchard Homeschooling, we believe learning happens through ordinary life as well as books and worksheets, because the small responsibilities we give children today help build the capable, confident and independent young people they will become tomorrow.