The Orchard Gate

When something goes wrong

This week, I have spent quite a lot of time talking to the police and CID while supporting somebody who was mugged at knifepoint for their clothes and shoes.

That is frightening, and it is serious.

I am sharing it with you via The Orchard Gate because something important came out as the police began taking witness statements and putting together what had happened. It became clear that one of the young men involved may not really have been happy about what was happening. It was very clear that that something had gone wrong!

The people involved in this incident were young adults, but the pressure to become involved in somebody else's choices can begin much younger. As a teenager, there can be a lot of peer pressure to fit in, be part of a group and go along with what everyone else is doing.

And that got me thinking.

Sometimes people deliberately make bad choices. But sometimes people find themselves caught up in somebody else's bad choice and they become involved when something goes wrong.

Perhaps you went somewhere with your friends without knowing what they intended to do.

Perhaps something that started as messing around suddenly became serious.

Perhaps everyone else joined in and you didn't.

Or perhaps you knew it was wrong, but you were frightened of what your friends would say or do if you walked away.

So what can you do?

The most important thing to remember is that you are still responsible for the choices you make next.

If you realise that something dangerous or criminal is happening, get yourself away if you can do so safely. Don't join in just because somebody else expects you to. Don't try to prove yourself by making the situation worse.

If there is a weapon involved, your priority is safety. Don't try to be a hero or challenge somebody carrying a weapon. Get to a safe place and seek help.

And if you have already become caught up in something, telling a trusted adult what has happened is still a choice you can make.

You can say: “I was there. I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't want to be involved, and I need help.”

That might be a parent, another trusted adult or, when something serious has happened, the police.

And you can come and tell me.

If you ever find yourself caught up in something that frightens you, something has happened that you don't know how to deal with, or you are worried about something you or your friends have done, you can talk to me.

You don't have to work out what to do next on your own. My job isn't only to help you with English, maths and science. I am here to support you too.

I might not always be able to keep what you tell me private — particularly if I think you or somebody else is in danger — but I will listen, take you seriously and help you work out what needs to happen next.

Walking away from your friends can take courage.

Asking an adult for help can take courage.

Speaking up afterwards can take courage too.

But being someone's friend does not mean you have to follow them into something that you know is wrong.

Something to think about this week

Imagine you are out with a group of friends and one of them suddenly does something you know is seriously wrong.

What would make it difficult to walk away?

And, more importantly: What could help you make the safer choice?

Sometimes courage isn't joining in.

Sometimes courage is being the person who doesn't.