Week 4 of Mindful May and this time is all about the DIB's
This month we have been talking about bullies, we have covered the Cob’s (Cowardly Opportunists Bullies) and the TUB’s (Terrible Utterance Bullies). Now we are going to talk about the DIB’s - the Dangerous Individual Bullies. These are far and few between which is the good news – the bad news is they are somebody you know and have to deal with.
Let’s make this perfectly clear – you are not the one with the problem - so you shouldn’t ever take bullying personally.
DIB’s bully for the same reasons that the other two do; they’re trying to make up for some shortcoming of their own. DIB’s often have serious insecurity issues or sometimes mental health issues. Often, it’s because they were mistreated or made to feel inadequate in some way and the easiest way to feel empowered is to pick on someone that they perceive as a victim – but you don’t have to be their victim.
It’s very important that you understand this before you do anything else—both for your own personal well-being, and so you can start looking for the right way to approach the issue. The first step to identify if your being bullied and how. DIB’s are looking for people that are willing to submit to their power play. Some Dib’s are in a position of power and use that power to protect themselves.
With the COB’s and the TUB’s, you can mount a defence to protect yourself and the move on, with the DIB’s you will need support of others to make it stop. Speak up sooner rather than later. You don’t have to put up with being bullied and I would say that you don’t put up with it for too long either. Some people will advise you to wait them out and let them move on to someone else. However, that is not how we suggest you deal with this at Orchard Training - why allow the bully the opportunity to make two, three, four, five or more people unhappy before they are challenged. Your safety and the safety of other should be your number one concern. Don’t let your pride prevent you from getting the help and protection you deserve.
You do not have to tolerate a toxic work environment, so reach out to the people who are specifically there to help in these situations, as a NVQ apprentice you have the Welfare Office of the Course Provider to approach and the HR team of the company you are working for. As a NVQ learner, you cannot be placed in a workplace without one.
If you not an apprentice and find you self being bullied at work, remember every workplace should have a Human Resource Department even the smallest of workplaces. These should have policies to address workplace bullying. Simply asking for a copy of the policy will wake managers up to a problem. The most obvious way to deal with a bully is to take a stand against them but this isn’t always feasible (in the traditional sense) especially if the bully is your manager at work. Contact HR after each the instances of bullying and strictly follow company policies, with the help of ACAS is necessary, to address the situation.
If you need an advocate talk to me. I’ve found that using the term “hostile work environment” will often get HR to pursue your complaint fairly quickly.
Sadly, sometimes the DIB’s are found within your family. Nevertheless, that does not mean you have to put up with it, even then. When bulling is done at home - it is abuse. Depending upon your age you can either call ChildLine (phone 0800 1111) or the police. ChildLine will support you and they may bring the police in because many kinds of domestic abuse are criminal offences and the police can arrest, caution or charge the perpetrator.
If you are in any physical danger try to leave the immediate area and then call for help. If you need support to make that call - you can ask me. I have a legal duty, like all teachers, to help keep you safe. Just because you are not in school it does not mean you can’t get help. Under the Safeguarding Law, I must not tell your parents that you have asked me for help – so I won’t. Equally, if you tell me you are being abused I can’t keep it secret – I must act to protect you. I have to call special advisor to get help and advice. They will help us (you and I) to protect you.
You should call 999 in an emergency or 101 in a non-emergency or you can go to a police station in person to report an incident. If the police arrest and charge a perpetrator, they will decide whether to keep them in custody or release them on bail. There will usually be conditions attached to their bail to protect you from further violence and abuse.
Together, we can make a difference!